Choke

 

push it down.
let your insides pull the bile
of everything you have ever felt
deep into your fragile core
lest it should leave
your prattling mouth
in a symphony of loving words
he doesn’t need to hear them.

let it fester like a fresh wound.
if it itches
swallow your arm
scratch out your insides
in a fervent frenzy
tears glimmering
on your sunken cheeks
no one to wipe them
just someone to taste
the blood under your nails
after you shred your heart
to cold little pieces
before he may see
how he lives within it.

if you ever feel it rise
to the back of your throat
remind yourself
you want to hear the words
more than he does
he will not say them back
or smile with the warmth
of a million suns
he will twist them
into a horrid blackness
make you regret
each syllable that left
your adoring lips
you will never utter
so much as a gasp
ever again.

there will come a time
when you cannot resist
he will look into your eyes
like they’re the only pair
he ever wants to see
or tell you it’s been too long
since you wrote poetry
or hum his favourite lines
from the love songs
you made him hear
for the sake of your heart
that’s been broken
more times than mended
choke on your words.
run.